The Weekenders Magazine Beat Anthology

I saw a post on Duotrop (a writers website) from The Weekenders Magazine looking for submissions written in the Beat Style. I like Beat, so I thought of a story, penned it and sent it to my writers group for comments. I'm lucky I got such good critics.  Most enjoyed the story but pointed out my shortcomings. I quickly corrected and sent the story in. It was published on line on sometime after September 15 and you can find the link by pressing here The Weekenders Magazine Vol 1.

My story is on Page 50, but don't miss the other great reads in this volume: The poetry by Kevin Ridgeway is great. I also dug the short story by Bud Smith, so much, I read it twice. Artwork is awesome too. The entire magazine is a great read, especially for those of us that enjoy underground, literary stuff. Many thanks to Ryan Swofford for putting it together, along with his editorial companions. Get a copy for your coffee table, waiting room, whatever.

I'm looking forward to the next one.

What I really want to hear from the Candidates:

Make a commitment to send them to jail...

We've all been listening to Mitt Romney and Barack Obama talk about stuff that quite frankly, is unimportant compared to the pressing issues facing American's today: Telemarketing Phone Calls.

It's time to face facts, the Do Not Call List  DOES NOT WORK. I remember the halcyon days when as a family we sat down to dinner and invariably the phone would ring from a telemarketer. There were two things so very different than today.

1: Whoever was on the phone trying to sell you something, spoke English, clearly and convincingly, such as "Sir, if you do not get our whole house water purification system, don't be surprised if you wife becomes frigid. It's a proven fact that when children drink non-purified water during their formative years, IQ's drop to that of Neanderthals and they may develop large occipital crests, marry overweight and smelly..."

 And 2: "Hold on," You would cut in.  "Don't call me again. I am on the Do Not Call List."

All you had to do was mention that. You could hear the person on the other end of the phone line tremble with fear.

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't know. I will remove you from our list immediately and you won't be bothered again."

In today's world though, it is much different.

"Hello."

"Hello dear kind sir. I am wanting to know if your credit card interest rate is can be lowered by just giving me information some of..."

"Wait a minute," you intercede. "Who are you?"

"I am from that most noble of American Large Debt Consolidation Firms using the American Bank of Dewville Delaware to help people. We..."

"Who? Dewville Delaware?"

"Yes, are headquarters are in Delaware, close to the US Treasury funding your debt with new debt can happen in an instant we can. Now, all I need is your Social Security number..."

"Who are you really?"

"Kind dear sir, I am with American Bank of Dewville Del...."

"I'm on the Do Not Call List and I would suggest you take my name off of your list before I report you to them."

"Let me tell you, money you can about how much save, using our."

At this point, normally you hang up and start thinking about the Do Not Call List and the fact that your dinner is now cold. You look at your children's eye sockets....no, no occipital crests.  But the phone rings again, just moments after hanging up. You pick it up.

"Hello."

"Hello dear kind sir. I am wanting to know if your credit card interest rate is can be lowered by just giving me information some of..."

As far as I'm concerned, a well placed cruise missle is completely justifiable no matter what country  the callers are located in. I want my President to do this for me.

Novel writers group is meeting tonight. I went over about 80% of @MaryMerrell7 book the last couple of days. Pretty good. I hope to finish it up in the next week or so. I put the final chapter together on my latest book two weeks ago. Last week I had a friend proof the Spanish Language sections for me to make sure they sounded like the way a true Mexican would speak.

So what is my new book about? Does Ergot of Rye mean anything to you? How about Mass Revolution when under the influence of psychotic drugs? How about a narrow minded Star Trek fanatic that manages to fall into the realm of espionage and revolution and helps change the world with the help of a famous revolutionary? It could be about those things, maybe more. Glen Bailey and his wife Doris are no Jason Bourne or Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but the job gets done because, or in spite of them. 

I put a little excerpt of the unedited book below this cool cover. That cover is cool.

Sifar Excerpt

.....

 “I'll get that criminal, your Glen,” Machado said, “as well as Joaquin Murrieta.”

“Why, what did Uncle Glen do?” one of the boys asked.

“Nothing boys,” Verna interrupted. “I would suggest you move away from Officer Machado. I think he's had a tough day.”

“Verna Bailey. Is that you? I was just telling your kids that I can shoot with the best of them and I'm going after criminals that hurt my daughter. I can see him in that cloud of purple dust over there.” His gun pointed in the direction of the Pinata, The Pinata was large, mule shaped with pointed ears. It was a brightly colored, yellow with green ribbons hanging from the neck. It dangled from a tree with a sturdy rope.

“Don't,” Verna yelled at the police officer.

“Mom!” an excited young voice yelled.

Verna turned to see Glen running up to them. “Glen!” she yelled.

The instant Verna yelled she heard a slap across the horses flank. Glen had run behind the animal and slapped it as hard as he could with a leather belt. Simultaneously the echo of a gunshot cut through the air and the tinkling of candy hitting the ground from the Pinata could be heard. Instantly, the sound of hoofs hitting the ground moving  towards the foothills in the west was all that was heard. Officer Machado clung to the horse as it bolted and ran uncontrollably into the distance.

“Uncle Glen's dressed as Spock.”

Squeals and cries from children were heard as they converged on the Pinata's bounty, now laying on the ground.

“Glen, what...” Verna tried to finish but Glen interrupted. His eyes were dilated and he looked as if he saw nothing or everything all at once.

“Chief Science Officer here,” Glen said. 

What's Happening

I haven't written anything on this blog for a while. I really like satirizing the news, and I just haven't been in the mood to blog about it. I haven't stopped writing, no, I worked on a book, a novel, yes, I finished the novel too. About 400 pages of entertainment. It's got motorcycle gangs, cowboys, Indians, sex, violence, oceans, lawyers and more. 


So I wrote it. BFD. I gave it a title of  'Bear Justice.' I got the domain of the same name.  ( http://www.bear-justice.com) Made some art, did an excerpt and .....and ....I'm in a holding pattern. I put the book up as a file for my writers group to view and give feedback. So far after a month, only feedback on the first two chapters. The feedback was positive though.


I sent a copy to my niece. She smart. She went to college to critic and edit books. She's gonna give me the full red pen treatment. She writes a blog, she is not shy about saying things. You can read her blog of book reviews here  http://causticritic.blogspot.com/


I like the artwork I did for it. I think that it may not be the best book I ever read, but it's not damn bad. Much better than a lot of books I have read. 


So I wait. Not really. I'm still writing.


New Novel, about 3/4 the way finished. Do you like Star Trek? Psychedelic mushrooms? Bread?  I haven't titled it yet, but it makes me laugh.

Have fun. I'll come back here more often, I hope

Arnold 'Terminator' Schwarzenegger Love Child

Today, Arnold "the Terminator" Schwarzenegger, admitted to having an out of wedlock child while married to Maria Shriver.

"I couldn't help myself," Schwarzenegger told reporters, "Technology has increased to my level. The new Android Tit App for my phone caused our wires to cross. I didn't know the phone wasn't using a firewall, so the result is a little Terminator. Although I must say that he looks more like his mother than me."

Maria Shriver, upon being shown pictures of the love child and mother stated: "I always thought making love to Arnold was a little too mechanical...now I find out why."

Reporters questioning Arnolds Lover Child only got one response: "Danger...Danger," repeated over and over again.

Obama Petitions to Change His Name & Trump's Fired

News: Osama Bin Laden Taken Out


President Barack Obama ordered an elite group of Special Op Navy Seals to raid a compound in Pakistan and capture or kill Osama Bin Laden, the worlds most wanted criminal. The operation succeeded in killing Osama Bin Laden and exposing the fact that he has lived under the noses of Pakistan military and intelligence sources in the same house for 5 years. A brief jump in the polls was noted, however, the new militant Tea Party members immediately began to question how Obama knew Osama was hiding at the Pakistani compound and that perhaps he knew all along. Sara Palin, prominent Tea Party activist and FOX news commentator stated, "He knew he was there. All these Muslims know each other, so I'm sure Obama just took him out for selfish political reasons."

The Dilemma

President Barack Obama has been dogged since running for national office regarding his full name, Barack Hussein Obama, which sounds like a foreign name rather than a United States name. The President has also been distracted from his duties by people questioning his country of birth, even though two forms of birth certification from the State of Hawaii have been produced. Over 40% of Tea Party members believe that Obama was born somewhere else.

Obama Strikes Back!

A press conference held discreetly after announcing that he personally gave the orders to take out Osama Bin Laden revealed that Obama has filed papers to change his name. His new name, if approved by the courts will be Jack Ryan. This immediately began to draw controversy.

Tom Clancy was asked about the name change within hours of President Obama's announcement. Tom Clancy wrote many novels with a man named Jack Ryan as a heroic main character. These novels include novels when his fictional character, Jack Ryan, is President of the United States. "I'll sue him if he gets his name changed," Clancy charged. "I don't want any liberal Democrat to have the same name as my most beloved conservative character. Oh sure he took out the most wanted man in the world by using a military Special Ops maneuver that could have been directly out of one of my books. And sure, he keeps trying to quit smoking, but still occasionally fires one up, just like my Jack Ryan does, but he's doing this for political reasons and benefiting from my imagination and hard work. I think I should be President, but I can't find a party that I want to join or will take me. I'll also mention what happened to Ross Perot and his American hero VP candidate Admiral Stockdale and I believe that the same undercover, secret, clandestine mafia type organization would probably threaten my hide also, just like Perot."

"It wasn't his idea," Jay Carney, Obama's press secretary stated. "From what we understand, it may be the only way to put the 'He's a Muslim,' or 'He's a foreigner,' crowd to rest. Most of those people probably figure he is dead anyway because the news says that Osama Bin Laden died. They can't tell the difference between Osama and Obama, and quite frankly, they can't figure out the difference between Juan and John. If it's not Dick and Jane talk, these people just can not figure it out. The Democratic National Committee came up with this strategy to finally get peoples minds on the problems of the country instead of who's foreign, Christian or Muslim, Black or White."

Jay Carney continued, "We've heard Tom Clancy's objections but he knows enough about this country that by the time his lawsuit hit the court's, President Ryan's term would be up. It's a moot point. We scared Trump off the trail already and can we say "Trump, You're Fired!"

MOE-a-Mar Gaddafi consults with LARRY-Mar & CURLY-Mar

Outside Tripoli, Libya: "Spread Out," followed seconds later by slapping sounds was heard over a Public Address System in the desert compound of Libyan Dictator MOE-a-Mar Gaddafi. Gaddafi, the embattled Dictator, has called his top political consultants to this gathering just outside the gates of the nations capitol, Tripoli.

Cabinet members, Larry-Mar and Curly-Mar, Gaddafi's closest advisors, arrived dressed as Nomadic merchants. Meetings are taking place in the Royal Tent and being guarded by Gaddafi's all female security crew. Word of what the meetings entail have not leaked out. A brief glimpse of Moe-a-Mar, Larry-Mar and Curly-Mar together was recorded in the photo. It appeared they were trying to get their directional bearings.

We have heard heated arguments coming from the tent with Gaddafi's voice saying "pick two," then what appears to be Curly-Mar's voice screaming, "ouch." We will follow up as more is known.