Tuesday, February 8, 2011
(GALK: GetALifeKent blog interview) Senator (R-UT) Orin Hatch today invited himself to a Tea Party Express Rally after no one called to invite him.
"I am a true Tea Party Member," Hatch was quoted as saying, "We brethren of Utah have been Tea Party members since before the current Tea Party was born."
According to Tea Party interviews, the leadership of the Tea Party welcomed the conservative Senator into their midst and hoped he 'expresses his deep regret' that he made mistakes in the past by supporting any item that may have had some support from Democrats.
HATCH: "I really don't think I've got to apologize for anything. Mitt Romney, Myself and Mike Lee are the true defenders of Tea throughout the country. I think Utah leads the way out of this socialist regime that we find ourselves stuck in. Even other Tea Party members...a lot of them, you know, are drinking Green Tea..not the good..."
GALK: "Green Tea?"
HATCH: "Yeah, Green Tea, you know a liberal blend. We folks in Utah, well we know our Tea. We've been drinking Mormon Tea for years and even though Mitt is not from Utah, he's Mormon."
GALK: "Mormon Tea?"
HATCH: "Yes Mormon Tea. It's part of the church culture. I can't tell you what goes on inside the Temple, but I can say that we pray and sip tea for hours, and after that, well, it's revealing."
GALK: "What's Revealing?"
HATCH: "You know, Sarah Palin and Rand Paul, they are Orange Pekoe, like you know, Lipton tea, or maybe a nice Earl Grey tea drinker. That's good, but not as good as Mormon Tea, and that's why I am pretty sure that Mitt's going to take the Presidency in 2012."
GALK: "So you're saying that the Presidential race will boil down to Tea?"
HATCH: "I didn't say that," Hatch sternly stated. "What I did say was that , you know, people like Glen Beck, Sharon Angel, and even Christine O'Donnell, well, lets just say that perhaps people slipped a little Peyote in with their Tea. They are a little off base."
GALK: "But Mormon Tea is made from Ephedra, a banned plant for dietary use. It can cause..."
HATCH: "I know what it can cause," Hatch snorted. "I've seen it. Sure Sarah can see Russia from her front window after a pot or two of Lipton Tea, but I've seen the Four Horses of the Apocalypse after a good prayer and Tea session. The Four Horses look like Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Charles Rangel and Maxine Waters. I've seen it and I know."
GALK: "Interesting, Three Blacks and one White..."
HATCH: "White? They were all Black in my vision. I'm not some crazy person like Sharon Angel of Nevada, not all people look alike if they aren't white. Sure, there's some, okay, a lot of similarities between your Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean and well you know, that whole area, but once I get to know someone, they look different, for a while. Now I can tell the difference between a Mexican and a Chinaman, geez, I'm not dumb you know, not like that Angel who lost our party the Senate seat because she couldn't tell Jose from MiKim. I've been to Chinese restaurants and Mexican places, there's a huge difference."
GALK: "Anything else you would like to add?"
HATCH: "Just remember, I was always for Mormon Tea. That's why I stepped in front of the FDA when they were trying to regulate it, you know, it's religious freedom. It didn't have anything to do with my kid working for that Ephedra company. Now when I opposed it, it was because of these kids who were using it inappropriately, kind of like the Toad Lickers of Florida. I supported Jeb on that one. What was the question again?"
GALK: Interview concluded.