Saturday, January 29, 2011

Chinese Change Entire Astrological Beliefs Due to USA Badmouthing

Chinese President, Hu Jintao, was mocked by American Radio Personality Rush Limbaugh recently, because a translation of the Chinese Presidents speech was not ready immediately upon speaking. Since the translation was not fast enough, Rush mockingly used a fake Chinese language translation to mock what the President of China said, even though he did not know what he said. A controversy between Rush haters and Rush lovers immediately followed, pitting American Right against American Left throughout the blog-o-sphere. Independents on the other hand, primarily in the 15 to 32 demographic, started a heated debate on the origins of the fake language. Some fake language aficionado's charged that Rush's fake mock dialog sounded way more Japanese while others said it definitely leaned towards the Chinese language. We all found out after President Hu Jintao returned to China, that the Rush fake speech definitely sounded Japanese. 

The Chinese still hold a grudge against the Japanese from the World War II era. Chinese spokesman, Hu MakFun, stated that the Chinese people could handle having their President made fun of, but not by "Japanese dogs who have still not apologized for atrocities committed between 1935 and 1945. Also, the failure of Toyota to rapidly fess up to the acceleration problem of 2010 is still fresh in the peoples minds." He went on to say that "The People of China understand that even though it was not Japanese people who hurled this disgusting insult at our country, that an ignorant American still sounded Japanese. This act has brought all the people that the government told to protest this act, out into carefully scripted events across China. We, the People of China, have decided that we will protest this act by adding a new zodiac sign to the ancient Chinese calendar. The new sign will be Dickhead, and 2011 will be from now on known as the year of the Dickhead. The character for the sign is unveiled below."

Hu MakFun continued: "We, the peoples and government of China, do not wish to restrict our trade with any nation. Our sensitivities to this are why the new mascot is in Rush Limbaugh's image. Our studies have shown that those who are concerned with Rush's well being tend to listen to him on the radio and have not figured out that he looks any different than the small box  with sounds coming out of it. In other words, those people who give a damn about Rush, aren't bright enough to know what he looks like."

Postscript. Protests are erupting across China due to the astrological calendar being changed. Many people who were formerly in the year of the snake or rat are being replaced into the year of the Dickhead. Mii Cin Lu, a peasant from Jiangxi Province, said "It's not fair, my birthday has been placed in the year of the Dickhead. I liked being in the year of the Rat. I, at least had charm under Rat. Now look...I'll be associated that American blow hard." Chin Lou Poa, a school teacher from Yunnan Province is very disturbed. "China was finally getting equal rights for women," she stated, "but now we have two years with cocks in them. Nothing for women, and I happened to land in the Dickhead year."

At this time, a new cultural revolution is being formed in secret throughout China. Rumored to be called the 'Circumcised Revolution'  or a few old timers are pushing for the 'New Era of Lorena Bobbitt Astrological Rebirth.' Whatever it is named, the government is taking steps to keep it from taking hold. The government announced today that The Dali Llama is still not welcome in China, and neither is Rush Limbaugh. Large banks, technological firms and athletic shoe companies are still welcome and special tax breaks do apply. 

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